The New Year

Today marks the year anniversary of a day I'll prolly never forget...

I don't necessarily wanna dwell on the past, or the experiences that occurred that day. But I think it would be worthwhile to tell the full story. Cause I am not sure if I ever have shared it here. So, let me begin. (I did however give a brief narrative here.)

Cedar City, Utah. June 30, 2010. Morgan had been in Provo for a few days now working as a note taker. Which left me and the Haylee in Cedar alone. Before Morgan left we had gone out and experienced as much of Southern Utah as we could. We both knew it would be the last time that we would be together in that area for a while. (Click here!) Haylee and I had the task of finishing the move from Cedar City, Utah to Mankato, Minnesota.

The day started with me waking up early and loading up the moving trailer. I had not eaten any breakfast that morning since our food was in boxes, and I just assumed I could grab something on the journey to up to Springville where I would be spending a few days with my family before we started the long drive to Minnesota. It took about three hours for me to finish packing and loading the U-Haul. I then proceeded to clean up our house as much as possible. The plan was for me to load, then clean, then shampoo the carpets with rented carpet cleaner, then say "good-bye" to Cedar City.

Those plans changed dramatically when around noon I noticed a man pulling up next to my Toyota Tacoma. I went outside to question him, and he told me that he was repossessing my truck. I was shocked to hear this. I had been making my payments to my credit union for the truck, but had not been able to afford the payments on my personal loan, and credit card. So they were taking my truck as collateral for the back payments. I tried everything that I could to fix the situation before the man took off with my truck. But no dice. So I quickly unhooked the U-Haul from the trailer hitch on my Tacoma, and the man left.

I was devastated. Not only was that my one source of transportation, but it was also the means for us to move to Minnesota. I contacted U-Haul and kinda explained the situation, they told me that I could use the money that I spent on the trailer towards renting a 17-foot moving truck. Seeing no other option, I agreed. The problem with that was the truck was 45 miles away.

A few hours later my neighbors came home. I told them the predicament that I was in, and they agreed to take me to Enterprise to get the truck, but it would cost me $45.00 to do so. I was desperate, so I agreed. While loading the trailer onto their Jeep, my neighbor lost his grip on the trailer tongue and the weight of the trailer came crashing down onto my right middle finger, breaking the knuckle and causing it to gush blood. With my left hand I picked the trailer up off my finger and placed it on the hitch. Something that I have no idea just how I really did... With the rush that I was in I didn't have time to properly see to my finger, so I just took care of the bleeding and we began our journey to Enterprise.

After securing the U-Haul truck I began the task of unloading the trailer of all of our belongings to just reload it all into the truck. By this time it was around 5:00 pm, and extremely hot. I still had not eaten anything, and was starting to become quiet exhausted. My neighbors were quick to leave me as soon as we had got into town. So the burden was all on me. I finally finished around 7:30 and began the drive back home to Cedar City.

By the time I got back to Cedar I was famished. I was tired. I was sore. I was angry. I was beat. I cleaned the house and the carpets quickly. Finished loading everything and securing it all. Then Haylee and I said "good-bye" to out home, and started the drive to Springville.

Around 2:30 am the next day I arrived at my parents house. Looking back at that day, I am honestly surprised that I was able to do all that needed to be done. Morgan had been very good to offer help and encouragement for me. But I don't know how I had the strength to handle it all on my own.

A year later I have seen some of the reasons why things happened the way they did that day. I have seen some major blessings that have come from it. And learned some valuable lessons also. It was a day that I don't think that I will ever forget, and a day I hope to never repeat.

Living For Today

...Sigh...

...Sigh...

That's about it.

I am now facing the option of staying in Minnesota or moving back to Utah. There are many contributing factors in this. I will list them in another post. I'm just deep in thought. And sad that my life always has something like this going on...

The Clock Was Tickin'

The teacher had you write a letter, you were eight years old
About the man that you’d become and the positions you’d hold
But this was long before you and Jackie Geronimo met in the Prelude Park at midnight
Now when it came to bells and whistles, Jackie did not lack
And when she kissed you on the kisser, boy, you kissed her back
Now you tell her that you love her and she cuts you slack
When you drink with your buddies on the weekend

And the weeks fly by and the years roll on
You spend your whole life dropping nickels in the bucket, wakin’ up at dawn
And while Jackie bestowed the joys of fingerlickin’
The clock up on the wall was tickin’

You got yourself a job cleaning hospital floors
But Jackie had a baby, then she had five more
They’d pay you just enough to drag your ass to the store
To buy bread, milk and Better Homes & Gardens
Jackie flips the pages and she dreams little dreams
A cottage in the country built with real wood beams
There’s a baby in the bedroom, he’s starting to scream
She holds him though he probably won’t remember it

And the weeks fly by and the years roll on
Sometimes dreams are all you got to keep you going when the day gets long
And you gave up so many just to make a livin’
That clock up on the wall was tickin’

Now the kids are all grateful when they left the nest
And Jackie wasn’t perfect but she did her best
You seize the opportunity to get you some rest
But you can’t sleep on account of screaming grandkids

The golden years are meant to leave a gleam in your eye
You’re starting to discover it’s a great big lie
They'll work you like a dog til you quit or you die
But you can’t quit cause Jackie needs the benefits

And the weeks fly by and the years roll on
They say patience is a virtue but the doctor says she don’t have long
You stood up and tried your damndest not to listen
But that clock up on the wall was tickin’

When they told you to clear the room, that’s when it hit you
You watched as the caravan took your sweetheart away
The arguments and fights and money troubles seem so worthless
As the kids throw yellow roses on her grave

And the weeks fly by and the years roll on
The house is quiet now and everything inside it seems to know she’s gone
There’s a picture of you both sixteen years old just kissing
And that clock up on the wall was tickin’

You always thought she had a chance and it was somewhere hidden
Now you’ve come to the conclusion that she never did
Not a chance, that is

Retrace

Ugh…I am exhausted! In the last two and a half weeks I have been in seven states, had seven flights, been in and out of four different times zones, and from sea level elevation to over a mile high. I had way too many restaurant/fast food meals, and not enough sleep. But with that said, I have had a wonderful time!

I am officially a college graduate! FINALLY! While I was in Utah I was able to finish up my internship with Ameritech. It feels nice to be done with that. And they were really good about helping me finish. I am grateful for that. Yay!

I had a good time while I was in Utah. I spent a bunch of time with my family, and friends. I met my nephew, Declan for the first time. He's a good little dude. I call him Captain Stink Pants. I think the name fits him very well! I do love my family. I am grateful for all that they do for me. I am not sure when the next time is that I will see them.

I was able to relax. Fish. Hike. Rock climb. Watch movies. Play video games. BBQ. Play home run derby. Drive a car. Chill. Finish surgeries. Hang out. Play guitar. Jam. And prolly more. It was a good time. But it is good to be home too.

The Story

Wow. That was quite the adventure.

Let me tell you the story of my adventures this past weekend. On Tuesday night I left Mankato for the airport. I bummed a ride from my home teacher. His car lacked heating and with my shorts and the cold weather we were having it became a cold ride. But I was grateful for the ride. My flight didn't leave until Wednesday morning, so I just figured I could sleep at the airport. Boy was I wrong. There was construction and cleaning and people and nothing that would help a guy like me sleep. It was a long, long night.

When I landed in Boston I had trouble getting a hold of David or Chuckie, so I wasn't exactly sure where I needed to go...but soon figured it out. I fell in love with Boston almost immediately. It is such a beautiful city. I was happy to see the Furse's again. It had been nearly a year since I had. For David's Bachelor Party the three of us went to Providence, Rhode Island and ate at some fancy restaurant and then enjoyed Taking Back Sunday in concert. It was prolly the eighth time I've seen TBS, but it they put on a good show!

The rest of the time that I was there was basically spent in a mini-van with Chuckie. Seriously. We did so much driving around, running errands and picking things up with the wedding and such. Plus the many times that we went back and forth to pick people up from the airport. We had some good conversations during that time. So that was good. I got lost in Downtown Boston once while I was driving on my own. But soon found my way outta there.

Friday was the wedding. The Boston Temple is really beautiful. I was happy for Dave and Lindsey. They seemed very happy too. Here are some photos from it!

I wasn't able to spend too much time with them all. But I was really glad that I could be there to support the Furse's and Lindsey. It was a fun trip!

Right Now

It has been a while since I last blogged. For that I am sorry. It seems that I have a lot to catch up on…

So let me begin.

It has been over two months since I had my bankruptcy hearing. I have not heard anything since then, but my lawyer told me that it could take up to 90 days for the court to clear everything. So I am just waiting patiently. I have been really trying to manage my finances better this time around. I don’t want to make the same mistakes that I have in the past. A few days ago I was sitting down making a budget for the next few months, and noticed with the time that I will be taking off to go to Boston and Utah, that I needed some extra cash. So I prayed about where I could get it, and the thought came to me that I should sell my car. I thought long about it. And with the weather starting to warm up a bit, I assumed that I would be fine to just ride the scooter around. So I listed my car on craigslist, and 3 hours later I sold it! I even made a profit of $400 on the car… I think it was an answer to a sincere prayer. But…here is the downside to that. The next day it snowed. And then rained. And has been miserable since. Oh well, I suppose that is what makes life interesting.

School is basically over now. Wahoo! The semester has gone by really fast. I have managed to stay on top of all my courses. I think that I have done well. Who would have known a little effort helps?! I have signed up for some summer classes with SUU, but I am not sure if I will take them or not. I am still waiting to see what MNSU says about my transcripts and such. So I they take me now for the fall semester, then these summer classes with SUU won’t matter. I will need to do some more research into the situation.

Work has been keeping me pretty busy. I will be taking my X-Ray Certification test this summer. I am excited for it. Then the next thing will be Anesthesia Certification…and from what I have heard, that one is pretty difficult. But I love this job. And love learning about it. So I am not too worried. I know that I have said it before, but I really did luck out on getting this job.

I have been gymming just about every day now. Monday, Wednesday and Friday are my lifting days. With the other days being a cardio workout of some kind. I finally feel like I am getting some of my strength back. It feels so good! I really do love to workout. I am running again, and I love it!

I haven’t really heard anything about playing baseball for the Mankato Twins yet. I have been in contact with the coach, but the practices and meetings keep being moved around and such. But I will keep on it. I really wanna play! Me and one of the missionaries in the ward have been playing catch, and hitting some batting practice whenever we can. I have been able to throw, and somewhat pitch without my shoulder hurting. And that is really a beautiful thing!

I will be leaving tomorrow for Boston for David and Lindsey’s wedding. I am excited for them. I haven’t seen either since last summer. And I have never been in Boston before. So It should be a lot of fun. I will try to take lots of pictures and stuff.

After Boston I will be heading to Utah for two weeks! And hopefully be really finished with Ameritech College. I know that I have said that before too. But I only need to do 44 surgeries. That should be an easy accomplishment in two weeks’ time. It has taken far too long to get this all over and done with. I am hoping to finish early and then be able to spend some time with my family and friends. That would be very nice. And maybe sleep in too…

I think that is all that has been going on lately. I am still trying to keep up on my commitment to live the Gospel. I think when I get to Utah I will buy a new set of scriptures. I am reading out of my missionary set right now. Which is great, but I think I am in a different spot of life now than I was as a missionary. And am in need of different lessons and such. Life is progressing well right now. And I am a happy Josh.

...But Home Is Nowhere

Twenty-six years and seems like I've just begun

To understand my, my intimate is no one
When the director sold the show, who bought its last rights
They cut the cast, the music, and the lights

This is my line, this is eternal
How did I ever end up here
Discarnate, preternatural
My prayers to disappear
Absent of grace, marked as infernal
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned
To this nature, so unnatural
I remain alone

Twenty-six years end, still speaking in these tongues
Such revelations while understood by no one
When the new actor stole the show, who questioned his grace
Please clear this house of ill-aquired taste

This is my line, this is eternal
How did I ever end up here
Discarnate, preternatural
My prayers to disappear
Absent of grace, marked as infernal
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned
To this nature, so unnatural
I remain alone

Give me something, give me something
Give me something, give me something
Give me something, give me something real

I lay strewn across the floor, can't solve this puzzle
Everyday another small piece can't be found
I lay strewn across the floor, pieced up in sorrow
The pieces are lost, these pieces don't fit
Pieced together incomplete and empty

This is my line, this is eternal
How did I ever end up here
Discarnate, preternatural
My prayers to disappear
Absent of grace, marked as infernal
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned
To this nature, so unnatural
I remain alone

This is my line, this is eternal
How did I end up here
Discarnate, preternatural
My prayers to disappear
Absent of grace, marked as infernal
Ungranted in dead time left me disowned
To this nature, so unnatural
I remain alone

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue

There are no flowers, no not this time
There'll be no angels gracing the lines
Just these stark words, I find
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak
I'd share with you could I only speak
Just how much this, hurts me


I cannot stay here, I cannot leave
Just like all I loved, I'm make-believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems...no one will appear here and make me real

There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines
Just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak
I'd share with you could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me

I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you that it haunts me
You don't care that it haunts me

Oh
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines
Just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak
I'd share with you could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much you

For Reasons Unknown

Have you ever received an answer to a prayer, and wondered if you really did? Or if it was just a fleeting thought from your own mind? Well, I have. Let me elaborate.

Last summer I was faced with a decision to move to Minnesota. I had a very good job opportunity there, and I was desperate for a job. But moving across the country is a big deal. It meant leaving all my friends and family. And everything familiar to me. And basically starting all over.

I prayed about the move, and felt that it would be a very good thing for me. My parents told me that they did the same thing, and felt the same as me. So, I trusted my gut and moved.

Shortly after making my home in Minnesota the challenges began to set it. The job I moved across the country for fell through. I was unemployed again. And I remember wondering why I felt so good about moving here, if I was going to be unemployed again? Then luckily I found a very good job. And I was blessed.

Things started to work for me again. Then due to mistakes and poor decision-making on my part my life financially really started to fall apart. Worse than ever before. Then what started as a "break" between me and Morgan eventually led to a break-up. And I hit that downward spiral with all the force of my being.

Life literally fell apart for me. The only stability I had was in my job. I would wake up feeling depressed and terrible. And that would persist through my day, and onto my nights. I was miserable. I felt like I had lost everything in my life that made me who I was. And lost the love of my life. The only solace I had was in hope. Hope for a better tomorrow.

Deep down inside of me I wanted to change. I wasn't happy with the person that I had become. Eventually I started to put the pieces of my life back together. It was a slow, painful process. It still is. I was finally having to start over.

Time past, and wounds began to heal. I still had a very hard time accepting what had happened. It was surreal to me. I kept fighting, and wanting to change the past. And force the future. But I soon realized that it was a futile fight. And the only thing that it was doing was hurting me more. I really needed to sit down and evaluate what I was doing, and what I wanted. What it was that was the most important to me.

About this point I really began to wonder why I was here. Why would the Lord prompt me to move across the country if I was only to suffer? It made no sense to me. I had had some good times in Minnesota, but was it really only about that? I had a good job here, but surely I could have moved back to Utah and found a job there too. Maybe if I would have done that Morgan and I would have still been together? Maybe life wouldn't have fallen apart on me like it had? I was frustrated. I was angry. I had put my trust in a Being that didn't really seem to care for me. Like I thought He did.

I found myself being angry at pretty much everything. But most of the anger was directed to God. I tried to put on a good face when I was working. I smiled a life-less smile to Morgan. Church and prayer became pointless to me. Anger and frustration were the only feelings present at those moments. Scripture study was useless. I was done. I was ready to give up and move on with my life without God. As far as I was concerned He really didn't care for me. So why should I care for him?

I really began to wonder what the point of all this had been. Why did I have to suffer so much? Why couldn't I just be happy like I once was? Why was so much of who I was tied up in feelings that were now just one sided? Why when I needed God the most did He seem to leave me? Why had I devoted so much of my life to something that left me feeling so alone? It no longer mattered to me. I was ready to walk away for good.

Then, just when I thought things were hopeless I was slapped in the face by the epiphatree.

In a matter a few days my life has changed. That first change was the wake-up call I got from Dr Kim last week. (For more on this subject, click here!) The second literally has been life changing.

When I was a zone leader on my mission I remember teaching my missionaries that they could "bind the Lord" to a specific blessing. That was if they did all that they could do, and were obedient to the mission rules and to the gospel. A few days ago that memory came back to me. As well as the thought that I could apply this same principle in my life right now. That if I went to the Lord with a specific blessing in mind, and did all that I could do accomplish it myself, that He would be bound to bless me with what I need.

I pondered on this for a few hours. I decided that my life was worth it. So I went to the Lord in prayer and told him that I would be completely obedient to His commandments and the gospel as I know it, and in return He would give me my life back.

As I said, this has been life changing. I feel like I have a new light inside of me. My soul feels alive again. I am feeling confident and optimistic. Hopeful for the first time in months.

Looking back now... Maybe this is why I felt prompted to move to Minnesota. I was talking to a close friend about all this. He asked me if I were back in Utah if I thought I would have gained these new insights into my life? I thought about his question for a few moments and told him I doubt that these insights would have come at all. Even if I would have had all the struggles in Utah as I have had here recently, I would of had my family and friends to really help me through them. But being here, I have had to rely on myself. My family and friends have helped me a lot, but the majority of it has come from me.

It has been a rough road. But I think these were the lessons that I needed to learn. I needed to realize that my goals and life aspirations are up to me. I can no longer sit idly by and hope that they will happen on their own. I also realized that I do need God in my life. I am a strong, stubborn person, but I am ultimately helpless without His help. I know that now.

Life is interesting. It's hard, and it is a challenge. But I love it. I am excited for the life and the experiences that are in store for me now. And grateful for the help that has brought me to this point.

Float On

So I have been listening to Modest Mouse a lot more recently. That would explain why my last post is titled as it is. However, today's post could not be more accurately named. And it is 100% true.

Let me tell you a story.

Five years ago (plus one week), a young man came off of an airplane. He had goals, and aspirations. He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to do with his life, but he knew he could do it. He had just spent the previous two years as a missionary for his church in San Francisco California. He learned a lot about life while living there. Many positive things, and many negative things. Lessons that he knew would stick with him for the remainder of his life.

This 21-year old man was extremely talented in many of lives pursuits. He was very smart. Very confident. And was very capable to excel in anything that he tried. Be it; academics, athletics, or just life in general. Hardly ever in his life had he really ever needed to try to succeed. Things just came natural for him. And he realized that.

Soon though his life started to fill up with new activities. And he began to forget many of those lessons that he swore he wouldn't ever forget. He soon realized (like all returned missionaries) that life can be hectic. And is not nearly as simple as it once was. He became lazy. Rather than trying to excel and be the best at whatever he tried, he settled for mediocre. He knew that all he really needed to do what apply minimal effort, and he would be able to get by. So he did.

Life kept changing for him. He had many opportunities to grow, and become a better man. But he choose the easier option. He had convinced himself that he didn't need to try hard and excel or learn. But instead all he needed to do was to show up. And he would be just fine. He missed out on those opportunities.

Today, he is in Minnesota. And he has different goals and different aspirations than he did five years ago. Ultimately with the same end result, but through a different path. Up until this moment he never really gave them much thought. He knew that he would have to work. And try to accomplish these things. But not really try. He knew that they would not just fall into his lap, but why put forth all the effort if he doesn't have to?

But that is just it. He realized today that he can be successful. And he can live life the way he is right now. And he will just continue to float on like he has been the past five years. And those goals that he had would be nothing more than a faded dream. Long since forgotten and out of reach.

Or, he can try. He can realize that these things that he is hoping to accomplish are going to be a challenge. And they will be hard. And the only way that he can reach these goals is if he puts forth the necessary effort. But not just the necessary effort. He needs to be the best. The best that he can be. And that means doing more than he is used to. That means stretching himself. And pushing himself to be the best. Otherwise, he will never accomplish them.

There have been many realizations that have come to me in my life. But I can honestly say that none of them have come with more power, and more emphasis than this one did today. I realized that I have not really tried with anything for a long, long time. I have done what little I needed to do to get by. And it has worked. And it has cost me more than I can imagine. I have a wonderful ability to learn, and excel in things so easily. What is a challenge to most people, is an easy accomplishment for me. I have had chances and opportunities for huge personal growth, but I have chosen the easier way. This has applied with pretty much everything in my life. School, work, relationships, activities...you name it. And I am ashamed with myself. Ashamed.

I did not write this post to brag, or to build myself up. I have no need to do either. I wrote it to share with you what I just learned. I am not proud of the way I have been coasting through life. Who knows what those decisions have cost me? Who knows where I would be today if I would have just applied the effort that comes so easily to me? But I do know what I want for me today. And what I want for me tomorrow. And the next day. I am the only one who can make it happen. And if I really want to accomplish my goals, then I will find a way to do it. I won't look for the easy way out. Or the excuse that fits my needs. I won't rationalize my way to get what I want.

This is my life. I have the chance to do whatever it is I want. But wants and goals aren't enough to accomplish this. It takes effort. And it takes work. And it takes me.

Parting Of The Sensory

"Lousy Smarch weather"... I have never really been one to complain about the weather. I love the hot, sweaty days. I love the rainy days. I love the snowing, freezing-your-bum off days. And everything in between. But, I am ready for Spring. I want to go exploring. And hiking. And fishing. And being out enjoying Minnesota. Someday I suppose...

There really hasn't been much new going on in my life recently. But I thought I would kinda post a general update on things. So I am. I will try to hit all the main topics going on in my life as of now.

I started a new weight training program at my gym this week. I gotta say, I haven't pushed myself this hard in a long, long time. And it feels so good! Monday, Wednesday and Friday are my lifting days. With Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday as my cardio days. After just a week of this, my knees and shoulders are finally starting to feel like they are getting strong again. I am anxious to see some more progress! I feel like this is a good strategy and plan for me.

School is going well. I am actually surprised at myself... I forgot how well I can do in my studies, if I just apply some effort! However, I do currently have a D- in one class. My elearning site (SUU's online portal) was down for about a week, and caused me to miss a pretty big test and assignment in one class. And as such my grade went from an A to an F. I am working on bringing it back up. In time. It is an easier semester than some of my previous ones, but I do need to re-develop my study habits. And I think that I am. And that makes me happy!

Work has been long lately. Long and tiring. I still really enjoy my job. I like the people that I work with. We have been hanging out a lot more recently. It is the usual places; BDub's (Buffalo Wild Wings, or the sushi place, or Pagliai's. It is fun to go and just hang out again. It has been such a long time since I have. It's nice to have friends. I really don't know why I ever tried to convince myself (and others) that I didn't need them. I am a social person, and somehow forgot that.

The missionaries have been coming over quite a bit recently too. I told them once that they were welcome whenever, and they have taken that literally. I am still trying to find my spirituality again. I feel like I am kinda on a plateau right now. Just stuck.

I haven't heard anything from my bankruptcy attorney since the meeting with my creditors a few weeks ago. I suppose that is a good thing... I am slightly worried that they will come back with something. I dunno what though. I just want to get it all finished. So I can officially move on.

Morgan went away for Spring Break this week. So I have the pleasure to watch the Haylee. I love this dog. Morgan told me once that Haylee has the ability to convert people to dogs. I didn't believe her at the time. But it is true. She really is amazing. We have been going on walks everyday. And playing and such. It is nice having her in my little apartment. Every time that I see another dog, it makes me appreciate Haylee even more.

Life is starting to be ohk again. I know what is missing, and I am alright with it right now. I think that for a long, LONG time I have just been stubborn and fight to have my way. A trait that can be admirable, but a trait that makes some things very hard. So I am just taking a big step back, and trusting that things will work out. One way or the other. And realizing that me fighting may not be the best thing for it. My feelings haven't changed, but I am. Changing for the better.

I forgot what it is like to be busy! Sometimes I look back and wonder just how Morgan was able to do all that she did. My schedule is no where near as busy as hers is, or was. Yet I find myself not having enough time in each day to get what I need done. I feel bad for not understanding that before. I have started my night dance classes. I will be modest when I say this, I am the best student in the class! So far we have learned the Tango, the Foxtrot, and a Waltz. I am enjoying it. I thought that maybe it would be a good chance to meet girls near my age...but I was wrong. My dance partner is some 55 year old woman. But it is alright. I am learning. And having fun while doing it. My Spanish class is going well too. I am amazed at how quickly the language is coming back to me. It has been 5 years since I last spoke it. And I forgot most of it. But so far, just two weeks into class, I am having conversations again. It is a good feeling. I auditioned for a musical this week. The Fantasticks. It was prolly the best that I have ever auditioned before. The director and musical director told me they were very impressed...after they found out that I will be outta town when the show opens. Oh well. I am glad to know that I still have that talent. They told me to make sure that I audition for their next show. Whenever that will be...

I found out that Ameritech has a site for me to finish up my internship with them. I will be working at the Orem Community Hospital from May 2 - May 13. It will be nice to FINALLY get that outta the way. I realize that it has been my problem, and I should have finished it a long time ago. But again, lets remember my sentence about my stubbornness...

I think that is all... Life is going well.