Float On

So I have been listening to Modest Mouse a lot more recently. That would explain why my last post is titled as it is. However, today's post could not be more accurately named. And it is 100% true.

Let me tell you a story.

Five years ago (plus one week), a young man came off of an airplane. He had goals, and aspirations. He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to do with his life, but he knew he could do it. He had just spent the previous two years as a missionary for his church in San Francisco California. He learned a lot about life while living there. Many positive things, and many negative things. Lessons that he knew would stick with him for the remainder of his life.

This 21-year old man was extremely talented in many of lives pursuits. He was very smart. Very confident. And was very capable to excel in anything that he tried. Be it; academics, athletics, or just life in general. Hardly ever in his life had he really ever needed to try to succeed. Things just came natural for him. And he realized that.

Soon though his life started to fill up with new activities. And he began to forget many of those lessons that he swore he wouldn't ever forget. He soon realized (like all returned missionaries) that life can be hectic. And is not nearly as simple as it once was. He became lazy. Rather than trying to excel and be the best at whatever he tried, he settled for mediocre. He knew that all he really needed to do what apply minimal effort, and he would be able to get by. So he did.

Life kept changing for him. He had many opportunities to grow, and become a better man. But he choose the easier option. He had convinced himself that he didn't need to try hard and excel or learn. But instead all he needed to do was to show up. And he would be just fine. He missed out on those opportunities.

Today, he is in Minnesota. And he has different goals and different aspirations than he did five years ago. Ultimately with the same end result, but through a different path. Up until this moment he never really gave them much thought. He knew that he would have to work. And try to accomplish these things. But not really try. He knew that they would not just fall into his lap, but why put forth all the effort if he doesn't have to?

But that is just it. He realized today that he can be successful. And he can live life the way he is right now. And he will just continue to float on like he has been the past five years. And those goals that he had would be nothing more than a faded dream. Long since forgotten and out of reach.

Or, he can try. He can realize that these things that he is hoping to accomplish are going to be a challenge. And they will be hard. And the only way that he can reach these goals is if he puts forth the necessary effort. But not just the necessary effort. He needs to be the best. The best that he can be. And that means doing more than he is used to. That means stretching himself. And pushing himself to be the best. Otherwise, he will never accomplish them.

There have been many realizations that have come to me in my life. But I can honestly say that none of them have come with more power, and more emphasis than this one did today. I realized that I have not really tried with anything for a long, long time. I have done what little I needed to do to get by. And it has worked. And it has cost me more than I can imagine. I have a wonderful ability to learn, and excel in things so easily. What is a challenge to most people, is an easy accomplishment for me. I have had chances and opportunities for huge personal growth, but I have chosen the easier way. This has applied with pretty much everything in my life. School, work, relationships, activities...you name it. And I am ashamed with myself. Ashamed.

I did not write this post to brag, or to build myself up. I have no need to do either. I wrote it to share with you what I just learned. I am not proud of the way I have been coasting through life. Who knows what those decisions have cost me? Who knows where I would be today if I would have just applied the effort that comes so easily to me? But I do know what I want for me today. And what I want for me tomorrow. And the next day. I am the only one who can make it happen. And if I really want to accomplish my goals, then I will find a way to do it. I won't look for the easy way out. Or the excuse that fits my needs. I won't rationalize my way to get what I want.

This is my life. I have the chance to do whatever it is I want. But wants and goals aren't enough to accomplish this. It takes effort. And it takes work. And it takes me.