Weigh On My Mind

This week is shaping up to be a pretty big week for me...

A few weeks ago I decided that I would go see a psychologist. Today I met with him to go over the results of the tests that we had been doing. Originally I was convinced that I was the typical ADHD person, but that just may not be the case. He started off by telling me that results of the intelligence tests showed that I scored in the top 98% of the entire nation. Basically saying that I am a pretty smart dude! Ha! Like I needed to hear that... It was actually really nice to hear that. He went on to say that he does not believe that I have ADHD, but that instead I suffer from a mood disorder called Hypomania. It is a form of bipolar, but not very excessive. The way he described it to me is that 13 outta 14 days I am on top of the world and can achieve absolutely anything, and that 14th day I sink to a very low depressed state where I feel I am worthless. Then I just bounce right back up again. (For more info on hypomania, click here!)

I am actually ohk with this diagnosis. I just feel like I could do more with my life, and maybe this may help me. We are wanting to treat this with therapy first, and then he will refer me to a Psychiatrist. I think it is worth a shot.

Wednesday is my state X-Ray certification test. I am kinda nervous about it. I have been studying, but as always, could be doing better about that... Like not blogging, and studying!

I have still been really debating on moving back to Utah. I am just still really struggling financially. My hours have been cut back at work, and my expenses are just too much. I have been hoping for things to work out for me, but so far there really hasn't been too much of a change. And that makes me sad. I really do love Minnesota. And I think that it has been good for me to be here and to help me become a better person. I am hesitant to say, "Well, I tried. I guess I better move back home..." I don't really know if that hesitation comes from pride or stupidity or something else. I do need to do what's gonna be best for me. I am just struggling figuring out what that is. I have spent loads of time praying, and fasting, and pondering, and working to try to find the better solution. But really, I still am clueless. There are just so many things to consider with this...

However, Thursday (July 28, 2011) is the decision day. I need to know if I should start packing, or just keep working hard on trying to make things work. I really think that this could be possibly the biggest decision of my life so far. Either way I decide, this decision could potentially change the rest of my life. And I think that is what scares me. I want to do what is gonna be best for me now. And what is gonna be best for me in the future. Pray for me.