Monday, February 28, 2011

Punk Rock Song

Ha! So maybe the title isn't all that applicable, but it leads me to think of the same things anyways.

Prolly two years ago my eyes were caught by a simply amazing skateboard. But I knew that I really didn't have the money to spend on it, so I just kept it in my memories. Today, after I received my tax return, I decided it was time to make the purchase. And let me tell ya, I am happy I did. Here it is:




It is all custom built by me, and it rides so beautifully! Ahhhh! I love it. It is the only purchase that I will be making will my tax return, so I am pleased that it was worth it. I also blogged about it on my goal blog. You can catch up on that one by clicking here!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Everyday Combat

Today was a very eventful day. Allow me to explain.

I've had the flu for a week now, and it has kept me up just about every night. Regardless if I take anything to help me sleep or not. It has been quite miserable. But I finally slept last night. And I did not wanna get outta bed. But I needed to. For you see I had an appointment to see a dermatologist to get some spots looked at on my back and chest. Morgan first noticed the spots in September, and it has taken this long for me to be able to get in to see the Dr. I really had no idea what they could be, so I was a little shocked when the Dr told me that I have skin cancer. Actinic Keratosis to be exact. She said that since both of my parents have had skin cancer at one point, and I have darker skin that I was predisposed to get it. Good news, right? Oh well, she said that this is the least of all the skin cancers, and that it is fairly easy to treat. She is having me start some medication, and a topical cream. And then go back in a month, and see how things look then. She also said that this type of skin cancer does not metastasize, and there is no chance that it would ever reach my lymph system of anything, So I guess if I am gonna get a cancer, I lucked out and good one that is easy to deal with. So much for me having beautiful skin... Ha!

After I left the Dr I drove off to downtown Mankato and had my bankruptcy court meeting with my creditors. I sat there for prolly an hour before my case was called. I was the best dressed of all the people there...I forgot how good I looked in a suit and tie. None of my creditors came, so my case was with my attorney and trustee. He asked me several questions about my financial history. It was probably the easiest court appearance I have had in my vast experience. Afterward my attorney told me that I did really well. And that he had all that he needed from me. That in about 60 days I would receive a notice stating my bankruptcy case is finished, and all my debts are gone. It is a big relief. I should have done this a long time ago.

I am lucky to be able to start all over again with a clean slate. I am very grateful for this opportunity. Now is the test though. The test to see if I have actually learned from my mistakes. And that I don't fall back into the same problems that I had before. I hope that is the case. I think it will be.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

When I Come Around

About a year ago I had a photography assignment where I needed to capture "me" in one self-portrait. This was a hard task for me. Cause I think I am such a varied person, and I didn't know how I could show all the facets of who I am in one picture. I thought on the task for quite a while, then came up with an idea to ask all my family and friends to use one adjective to describe how they see me. There is a good chance that you got that text message.

Now a year later I am looking at that list and wonder how many of those adjectives still describe me. And who I am now. I think that the majority of them are still there, and still apply to me...but I would have to add a few to that list now. Struggling. Depressed. Sad. Remorseful. Discouraged. Those are just a few that I can think of. But looking at the list of how you described me, those adjectives should not be there. Why should I let the current circumstances determine who I am?

Yeah, Morgan was a huge part of who I was. But just because we are no longer together, does not mean that I can not be who I was. It does not mean that I need to adopt these new characteristics. Like depression. Or Remorse. Traits that won't do me any good to have. I think that I have held on to my feelings of sadness for so long, that I am at risk making them become a permanent part of who I am...rather than just emotions and fleeting feelings.

So...(deep breath)... They are gone. I have let go of them.

I am Josh Wright, and I am; Caring. Jovial. Strong. Talented. Jolly. Innocent. Goofy. Laid-back. Outstanding. Chill. Gentle. Sincere. Determined. Hardworking. Bright. Crazy-awesome. Friendly. Gnarly. Funny. Engaging. Tenacious. Charming. Joker. Amazing. Breathtaking. Clever. Ostentatious. A schemer. Ambitious. Cultured. Boundless. Genuine. Outgoing. Funny. Easy-going. Witty. Optimistic. Loyal. Loving.

What's done is done. I need to accept that fact. I need to move on with my life, as much as that hurts me. And as much as I don't want to. How am I ever supposed to heal, if I keep opening my wounds? How am I ever supposed to be me again, if I don't start acting like, me? I love Morgan. I love the time that we had together. She did so many wonderful things for me. Sadly, those times are over. I will always love her. And she will always have a special place in my heart. I would love for us to come back together in the future. It would be a dream come true.

But this is my time. My time to be selfish, and live life for me. Time for the Josh that you all know, to be Josh again. Time to take up those characteristics that you said described me as. In the words of a modern-day prophet: "It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place that here? What better time than now?"


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Stick, a Carrot & String

For my birthday Seth and Marissa gave me a vinyl recording of Dustin Kensrue's Christmas album This good Night Is Still Everywhere. It was a very cool gift. And something that I had previously asked for. But forgotten about. There were two reasons why I thought it would make a good gift. 1. It is a vinyl recording of a great album! 2. Dustin released two new songs on it. And I wanted to hear them.

Since I do not own a record player, I had no way of hearing those two new tunes. So I bought the songs on iTunes. I listened to them, and liked them. But only recently really started to like one of them. A little song called 'A Stick, a Carrot & String'. This is it.



Yeah. Amazing. However I will admit, it is hard to understand the lyrics. So I suggest listening to the song again, while reading them. Here they are:

The horse's hay beneath His head
Our Lord was born to a manger bed
That all whose wells run dry
Could drink of His supply

To keep Him warm, the sheep drew near
So grateful for His coming here
Come with news of grace
Come to take my place

The donkey whispered in His ear
"Child, in 30-some-odd years
You'll ride someone who looks like me
Untriumphantly"

The cardinals warbled a joyful song
He'll make right what man made wrong
Bringing low the hills
That the valleys might be filled

Then "Child", asked the birds
"Well, aren't they lovely words we sing?"
The tiny baby layed there
Without saying anything

At a distance stood a mangy goat
With the crooked teeth and a matted coat
Weary eyes and worn
Chipped and twisted horns

Thinking "maybe I'll make friends someday
With the cows and the hens in the rambouillet
But for now, I'll keep away
I've got nothing smart to say"

There's a sign on the barn
In the cabbage town
"When the rain picks up
And the sun goes down
Sinners, come inside
With no money, come and buy
No clever talk, nor a gift to bring
Requires our lowly, lovely king
Come now empty handed, you don't need anything"

And the night was cool
And clear as glass
With the sneaking snake in the garden grass
Deep cried out to deep
The disciples fast asleep

And the snake perked up
When he heard You ask
"If you're willing that
This cup might pass
We could find our way back home
Maybe start a family all our own"

"But does not the Father guide the Son?
Not My will, but Yours be done.
What else here to do?
What else Me, but You?"

And the snake who'd held the world
A stick, a carrot and a string
Was crushed beneath the foot
Of Your not wanting anything

I like it. I realize that it is meant as a Christmas song. But oh well. Enjoy!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Reckless Abandon

Life is an adventure. I think that God designed it as such. And for me, it is quite the adventure.

Today started off like any other Thursday...with a few exceptions. Mainly the fact that I woke up at 8:30 and didn't worry about rushing off to work. No, I had the day off. And had a full day of skiing at Mt. Kato planned. So after eating a satisfying breakfast of oatmeal I loaded my tiny car to the brim with my skies and accessories. It being the first time in about a year since my last skiing outing.

I may need to remind you that I had another knee surgery about 1 1/2 months ago. And I didn't really have clearance from my doctor to go skiing yet...but the craving was too much to not take advantage of it. :-) So I wore my knee brace, and planned on being extremely cautious. As much as I thought that would kill me.

Mt. Kato turned out to be fun. But needless to say, a bit dull. Honestly, I was laughing to myself pretty much the full day. (Now thinking about it, I prolly looked like I had just escaped from a mental institution the way I was laughing...) Oh well. I took their version of a Black Diamond run, and skied it in only 7 seconds. That was without really trying. Just skiing. In about a half-hour I had skied the entire mountain. And if you took that Mt Kato link above, then you know that it not a hard thing to comprehend. I went by myself, but kinda made a ski buddy with some snowboarder from Northern Minnesota. We skied for a good number of hours. It was fun to get outta my boring apartment, and do what I love to do. And I can say that I skied safely without injuring (or re-injuring) myself.

On my way home from skiing I stopped at my lawyers office to drop off some papers to him. Walking back to my car I slipped on some nasty ice/slush and landed really awkwardly. I tried to cushion my fall and protect my knee. But ended up dislocating my left shoulder. Along with getting some bad bruises up and down my leg.

This being about the 15th time something like this has happened, I went home and tried to put it back in myself. Four hours later I realized it wasn't gonna happen. So I took off to the emergency room to have them do it. 1 1/2 hours later the doctor was able to get my shoulder back into place. Everyone there was surprised that I didn't want to be put to sleep for it. And that I handled the pain so well.

Sigh... So after being so careful and cautious skiing, I slip in a parking lot and end up in the emergency room. This is why I say my life is an adventure. It makes me think that God really does have a sense of humor. And that He is up there just laughing at all my misadventures. I hope that I am putting on a good show for Him!