This Life

It has been a while since I last posted anything. So perhaps it is time.

Things have been different lately. School has started up again. I only have 12 credits this semester. Much easier to handle than the 21 of last semester. And I have actually been doing really well with keeping up with my work. Two weeks in, and haven't fallen behind yet! I have been feeling really good about it. I want to get into good habits with school. And not procrastinate things like I always have done in the past.

Work has been going well too. I had the flu for about a week and a half. And missed a few days of work. I am finally over it. It was nasty, that's for sure. We had one of our assistants retire over the Christmas break, and so we have been busier than we used to be. But that is alright, I really don't mind the slightest. I have really enjoyed this job. Dr Marlow is fun to work with. And is really good about teaching, and explaining things. It is nice to be paid to train in the career that I wanna do! I have some good co-workers too. They make the job fun. And we work well together. I really am happy with it. I feel like I lucked out in getting this job.

I have been meeting with the missionaries quite a bit lately. We're not really doing much more than chatting, but it has been nice to have the company. I have really been trying to rediscover my spirituality lately. I have been reading the Book Of Mormon in the morning over my cereal. And then I started the Doctrine and Covenants to read in bed. I have been really trying to make my prayers meaningful too. I just think that it is a key thing for me to discover myself again. I know it will take some time though.

I have non-officially become the designated driver for my friends whenever we go out. Which has been happening more regularly now. I don't mind drinking my Coca-Cola Classic while they get wasted. Haha! And it is nice to know that I have friends who respect me for not drinking, and who don't try to pressure or suade me to drink. My wallet likes it a lot better too. My $5.00 bill for a few cokes is much better than their $35.00 for alcohol...

My bankruptcy has officially been filed. I am awaiting my court date, I guess it will happen within the next 30 days. Then about 45-60 days after that, it will all be finished. I am glad that I shopped around for lawyers too. Mine seems to be really good, and is very personable. I am comfortable with him and his team. I have been trying to live according to a budget. It gets difficult at times. But it is something that I really need to do. It is a good feeling to know that I can pay my bills, and not have to stress over where I am gonna get the money. Granted, it has only been a few weeks, but it is a relief none-the-less. I have been applying for a second job too. I got hired at a movie theater a few weeks back. But whenever I would call to speak with the manager for details he "wasn't in". And after a week and a half of trying, I decided that if he can't show me the decency of returning a phone call, then I am done with it. I think that another job would be really good for me too. Just give me more cushion financially.

I signed up for some community education classes. I am excited for them to start. I am taking a ballroom dance class. Morgan has tried to teach me before, but unsuccessfully. I guess I shouldn't say that. I learned a little bit, but was terrible at it. I would love to learn to dance though. I think it is a good skill to know. I am also taking a Spanish class. It is an intro class, but it has been over 5 years since I spoke it on a regular basis, and have forgotten most of it. So I am excited to re-learn it. And anxious to see if I still have those language skills that I had as a missionary. You know, the ability to speak near-fluently after 2 days... I am taking a piano class too. It was my "hey, I should do this" class. Ha! It is just a one time thing. Where they just teach chords, and structure. So it sounds perfect for me. I am excited. They don't start for another month though.

I am still meeting with my therapist. I think that it is really helping. I am amazed how quickly the hour goes by, and how much I can talk... It is just nice to have a non-biased person to talk things through with. I haven't really ever gone in with a specific topic to talk about, but always end up finding something. Honestly, I think that it is something everyone could use. Not just the crazies like me. :-)

I really love Morgan. So very much. There are times and moments when I miss her so much. And when I miss having her in my life. I think that I am healing, but it is a constant struggle for me. She is so wonderful. She makes me feel alive. Both body and soul. I know that this break up is a good thing for me. I think I have needed this time for a while now. I definitely needed to get my life back in order. It fell apart. I think that it is being rebuilt again. I have a slow contractor though, and he sure is taking his time on the rebuild. But that is ohk. It just allows me to work out my problems and my issues fully.

Life is interesting to say the least. I am 100% confident that I will be able to get things back in order. But not just back in order, but better than they were before. I don't want to look back at this time in the future, and wish that I had tried harder. Or done things different. This is my time. This is my life. And I want it to be the best that it can possibly be. And that is totally and completely dependent on me. If I want success in my life, then I need to make success. If I want happiness, then I need to make happiness. I can't rely on those around me and my loved ones to provide that for me. They can be instrumental in it; but ultimately it depends on me.

I never meant to write another novel, just seems to happen. My apologies.